I will wait for you.

I love this poem. I've watched it at least five times, all at different times in the last year, and it floors me every time for several reasons.

1. It is full of truth. It's Biblically solid. It is relevant to our culture and to individual lives (mine most definitely included).

2. It is pretty much rhetorical brilliance. Lovely use of the English language. :)

3. Her hair rocks.

Seriously.

If you struggle at all with singleness or wanting to be in a relationship, watch this. Really pay attention.

And if you don't, watch it anyway. It's just that good :)

Bored with an Awl

² “If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything...

⁵ But if the servant declares, ‘I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,’ ⁶ then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.

Exodus 21:2,5-6

On Tuesday I pierced my ear, right in the middle of the cartilage. Not because I am addicted to piercings (although I might be getting there. This makes 6, and I wouldn't be opposed to a couple more. Good thing I don't have the money for that), and not because I just really enjoy only being able to sleep on one side and whimpering "ow" every time I give someone a hug and their head bumps mine.

So if you haven't figured out why, I'll give you a hint.... It has to do with the verse at the top of this post.

This year marks the 7th anniversary of the summer that I rededicated my life to Christ, which was when I really started to take this whole "relationship with Jesus" stuff seriously. (well, let me be really honest here. I'm not completely sure if the seventh anniversary was this past summer or this coming one, so I figured since it is currently kind of between the two, that was acceptable). So approximately 7 years ago was when I began my servitude to Christ. By Old Testament Hebrew law that means that this year I would have to be released from that servitude if I so desired.

But I love my master. I have no desire to go free.

So my master took me before some judges, and bored my ear to a doorpost with an awl.

Okay, that last sentence is a lie. It's just a standard piercing. No judges, doorposts, or awls involved (actually, my mom offered to do it with an awl and a doorpost next time I go home, but I declined. I used an awl today for book binding, and it made me very grateful for modern piercing equipment (i.e. a really sharp needle) and professional piercers.). I should also point out that I did not come up with this idea myself. I stole it from my friend Laura Wilson, who has a similar piercing. Nevertheless, the significance is still there.

I've chosen to be His servant for life.

Thank you, Adonai, for being a loving and gracious master.

Where I am

Let me tell you about how I've been feeling about my life over the past month-ish.

Last week I realized that I'm not so sure I know myself anymore. For instance, I put beans on my salad (actually we should probably start with the fact that I even had a lunch of just a salad, but I think the beans part is more significant). I put beans on my salad, I ate them, and I even liked it. I have never liked beans.

AND I've been taking naps sometimes. AND today I skipped class (but it was math class, so can you really blame me?). These are things I have never ever ever done before. Or at least not very often.

But that's just the beginning.

To give you a real sense of where I am, you should listen to these songs, in this order, then listen to the explaination.

This is the Stuff - Francesca Battistelli

Not Guilty Anymore - Aaron Keyes

Wait and See - Brandon Heath

Divine Romance - Phil Wickham

Of course, not all the details mentioned in the songs are quite right, but I think you get the general idea.

Now for the explanations.

Song 1 - So basically, I feel like a mess. That's the best way I can describe it. I've had two flat tires in the last month (and I should add to that that I've only had the stinkin' vehicle for a month and have only driven it twice. How's that for a great track record? Granted, the first one was pretty much completely my fault. The second one I'm not so sure I deserved.) That with the million other little things that make college life insane (you know, classes, almost forgetting assignments, working a new job, trying to plan for the summer and next school year, and when possible I like to have a social life too). I frequently forget how good I have it. So there's the explanation for the first song choice.

Song 2 - About a week ago I came face-to-face with my sin (my selfishness in particular), and was overwhelmed with absolute disgust. I made me want to be physically ill. I've always struggled with understanding what it means to "hate your sin." I've heard pretty much my whole life that to really love Jesus you have to hate your sin, but I honestly had no idea how to hate my sin or even what sin was in my life that I needed to hate. I've always taken for granted God's grace and sacrifice. But coming to a better understanding of just what Jesus' dying on the cross was made me realize what a disgusting person I am. Needless to say, I definitely needed the words of Aaron Keyes' song. Wow. How freeing! I want to run into an open field and just spin around in circles in gratitude. So that's the second song.

Song 3 - So, after coming to the realization that I'm a pretty wretched person as mentioned in the last paragraph, I realized how much work Christ still has to do in my heart and life. I can't keep taking for granted the gift He has given me. Yes, he has made me spotless and clean and pure again, but I shouldn't be content with staying how I am. I am so so grateful for his cleansing that I don't want to hurt him anymore with my sin. I don't want to be this selfish person anymore. I want my heart to be in line with his heart. I want to be remade. I want to care about other people more. I want to care about myself a WHOLE LOT LESS. I'm not where I need to be. He's not finished with me yet. So that's song number three.

Song 4 - I've also been learning that God loves me. Not just loves me like how someone likes there new pet puppy. He loves me. Wholly and completely and passionately. This is a Song of Solomon kind of love going on here - flock of goats and two pomegranate halve and the whole bit. And I've been learning how to love him back. It's a slow processes, but I think I'm getting there. So that's song four.

Yep, well, that's my life right now. I'm broken, I'm selfish, I suck at driving a huge van on these tiny little Nashville streets, I have a strange bond with Francesca Battistelli (seriously, it's getting a little weird), and I am a work in progress. And I am loved.

A Time to Dance

If you've followed me for awhile, you might remember this post.

Over 800 people showed up to and became bone marrow donors that day, and over 100 more at a second donor drive held a few months later.

But a good match was never found. After a risky operation, fervent prayers from thousands of people, and a long hard battle, Kelsey is finally whole again and I guarantee that she is dancing in the presence of Jesus. If you want to know the more in-depth and detailed story, you can read it here.

No, we weren't really close friends, but Kelsey has always inspired me. She taught me the best way to eat cheesecake. She was one of my favorite people to dance with, and I think you'll be able to tell why just by reading what she has written on her Facebook.

Hi the names Jo, Kelsey Jo. Most ppl talk/brag about themselves in this section. Instead there is something much more important. Yes, my life story entails pain, tragedy, extreme dissapointment, terror, variable exhaustion w/ tests, and one of the rarest diseases known to man, etc, etc. But why put those negative, abysmal stories in here??? What people should take away from hearing about me is what the Lord had done in and through me. Instead I could tell you many stories of CONQUERING situations of Life VS Death through the power of Prayer and extreme Perseverence. And Enduring countless Hours of testing and waiting, by a Peace that surpasses all understanding.. Or Bearing (my)daily debilitating routine through patience and self control. Life with God has been ROUGH, He never promised it would be easy("my yolk is heavy but my burden is light"), YET He did say He would NEVER LEAVE me. But if I had to live this life WITHOUT Him, I would NOT have LIVED to see my 10th birthday!
Indeed my God is an awesome God! He sees me in my need, and meets me in my need! Thank you Jesus for your blood that covers all my sins! I did not deserve this, but yet you love me, no matter what!
Yahweh He is, alpha(the beginning) and omega(the end) He is! Omniscience(all knowing), omnipotent(all powerful) and omnipresent(all present) He is! He is my comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength!
Many pity me for my sufferable time here on this earth, but I say you should be pitied for you do not have eternity in heaven! -- "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13,14... THIS IS THE WAY I LIVE ... Still don't understand why I am the way I am... "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
I will say it again, this is my life verse!
I refuse to get stuck in ANY generational ruts, or be identified by any label other than a Jesus lover. I WILL help change this world. "that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:10,11.
This is MY MISSION... To save the world! But lets not confuse, I will do it by His bidding... I am a mere mortal, a human being, I have no power. I am powerless. But through Him I can move mountains. I am Kelsey, truth chaser, blood bought, world changer, prayer warrior, devil stomper, sin killer, Jesus lover, daughter of God!

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind about whether Kelsey accomplished her mission. She absolutely did. She did change the world.

No, I don't know why this had to happen. I don't know why she had to suffer so much. I don't know why she had to die. I don't know why she wasn't healed. But I do know that now she isn't in pain anymore. She doesn't have to wear duct tape on her fingers anymore. She doesn't have to be careful about what she is eating anymore. She gets to sing and run and jump and praise the Lord!

Ecclesiastes 3 says that there is a time for everything. For us left on this earth, it is a time to mourn. But for Kelsey, it's an eternity to dance.

A Mother to the Motherless

God has recently instilled in me something that is very foreign to me, and I feel like I need to write it all down and lay it all out there.

Over Christmas break I was reading a book by Karen Kingsbury called When Joy Came to Stay, and throughout the book the issue of foster care came up - the lack of fit foster homes and the impact that being bounced from house to house has on a child's wellbeing. As I was reading, my heart broke for these children. They are victims of circumstances beyond their control, and without parents who do they have to really love on them?

Then I felt that little nudge on my heart (you know, the one you feel and recognize but often try to ignore because it usually asks you to do something you don't really want to do). And God and I had a conversation that went something like this:

"Anna, you need to love on these kids."

"...Um...no thanks, God. I can barely make it through a weekend of Snow Camp without going insane, much less taking care of someone else's children for months on end."

But if there is one thing I know for sure about God, it is that He is relentless. Gradually the idea grew on me until it became something I actually want to do. God has instilled in me the desire to be a mommy. Actually, a foster mom to be exact.

I have always wanted to adopt - and fully intend to. However, never ever ever would I have thought I would even consider being a foster parent. But now I have found myself looking up the requirements and asking God to work out a way for me to be one as soon as possible (which is a year and a half from now, by the way...). After all, we are called to take care of the widows and the orphans (James 1:27).

Please don't ask me how I plan for this to all work out. How will I figure out a schedule my junior year of college that will allow me to still graduate in four years, have a job, and take care of a child; where will I find a roommate who won't mind me being a mom (or where I will even live for that matter) - I haven't the slightest idea. Maybe it won't even happen until later in life. All I know is that when it is supposed to happen, God will work out the details for it to happen because he is sovereign and he can do things like that.

Back in December, I asked God to let me live in a house with no doors. I think that maybe this is a big part of what that will look like.

Words Without Knowledge

Sometimes I forget my place and think that I deserve to know things. I question the purpose of events and demand to know things about the future. I think that I know how life should work out.

I'm sure God gets just as frustrated with me and He did with Job (probably even more so, since I haven't remotely had the hardships that Job had). He asks, “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?" ....oops... sorry...that was me again.

It is time for me to remember that it is not my place to be omniscient, and to be thankful for that.

Thank you, Lord, for determining the future so that I don't have to worry about it.

Thank you for protecting me from myself.

Thank you for knowing the answers and reasons, and keeping the burden from me.

And thank you for your grace and forgiveness when I forget that I don't know what is best.

Engagement Number Two

I did my second engagement shoot - this time for my sister and her fiancé. It was tons of fun, and they are super cute together. The night before Katie and I googled engagement pictures the night before and came up with a some cute ideas, which you see the results of below. Of course in the process of putting my watermark on the pictures, I left off the "p" in "photography"... but oh well. Makes it more original, right?